supersjbroaddus's Xanga

Thursday, October 08, 2009

Thu, 08 Oct 2009 13:57:03 GMT

Time to move on…

It has come to a point where I feel I need to change churches, or at least not attend the one that me and my family helped start and had been going to for the past 4 years or so. Most of you know my whole mess of a life (since the end of April 2009)

Link to the blog about it - http://supersjbroaddus.xanga.com/700908997/how-much-is-too-much-when-should-i-give-up%e2%80%a6/

We’ve stayed at our church because I love the people at my church. Many of them have read our blogs and have checked in and supported us through this. Our family sacrificed and invested a lot of time, hard work, and care into helping to launch the church. But times of crisis have a way of revealing things about leadership.

No one is perfect, I understand that, and this was a huge crisis that no one was prepared to handle. Mistakes were made and I pray everyone will learn from this situation. I thought I could stay so that we could learn and grow through all of this together, so that the next couple that has to deal with this type of sin issue wouldn’t have to go through the same hardship that we went through. But at some point you have to say enough already.

I needed more from my church and I just don’t think they were equipped to help me. After the affair came out, I felt like everything that helped me heal I was told not to do. But me leaving the church mostly boils down to they (the pastor and elders) have kept and still keeps pushing for the other woman to come back to the church. I am told that I need to forgive the other woman and let her come back to the church or at least give a date that she may come back. Forgiveness takes time, it’s a process that I have to work through, I felt like I was being made to feel like a bad Christian for not being able to do so faster.

The big deal is because our church is 30 – 40 people tops, so how would you avoid certain people in such a small setting? I also don't think they realize the depth of the deception of her betrayal of my friendship either. She’s being portrayed as this innocent person manipulated by Maurice, with everyone seeming to forget how much manipulating she did the last 3 ½ years. Even sitting between me and Maurice at church like it was nothing. Why would I want her around Maurice again? He doesn’t need to be near her anytime soon. It’s not helping him move forward in life. It won’t help her move forward in life either. It definitely won’t help me move forward in life. Why would I want my kids near her again? Why should I feel like I need to leave because of her? She won my husband over for 3 ½ years of my marriage, so why should she win the church over too? Why don’t they understand how much pain this is causing me?

I know one day I will get to a place of forgiveness of her, but it’s too soon. It’s too soon to have my husband near her again. Forgiveness is a process and it takes time to do. I am slowly working on forgiving both Lauren and Maurice. If you have doubts about it, she still lives and I haven’t laid a finger on her to harm her, now that is a miracle in itself. That is me attempting to forgive her, granted we haven’t met face to face either. Heck, I haven’t harmed Maurice either. I have yelled at, stormed off from, but not harmed him. Though I’ve had many deep dark thoughts about it. (he knows, I’ve told him about them)

Does anyone realize that just because I am still with Maurice, it doesn’t mean I have forgiven him. I am slowly getting there with him too. Most have said “How are you still with him?” or the others have said “Leave him” and others “Why haven’t you kicked him out yet?” I have a very few friends telling me that “It’s good you are staying with Maurice” I understand that if I can forgive one, I can forgive the other (though understand, I have a life, a history, and children with Maurice). The push for me to accept the other woman back is so very strange and hard to take!

Anyways, there are several other issues I have with the church, too, the biggest being the clever word play about how he was never a leader there. Me and the church will never see eye to eye on this topic either, it’s so very frustrating. It feels like they have spit in our face. I don’t want to go into the whole story about this, but just know that I can’t stay there.

I do wish them all well, I will miss many of the people there, however I plan on staying in contact with many of them. I hope they grow and become a great church. I just know I can not and will not be there anymore. It’s very hard for me to even say that, because I will miss my church.

I am fine now or more like on the right path to being fine. I am finally, this past month, back to feeling like my normal self, it’s like a weight has been lifted off of me, (I think our trip to Vegas really helped us as a couple) and I have actually rekindled / remembered why I like being around Maurice (most times – ha!), but it only came after I was dealing with many hard situations on my own. I figured things out the hard way, on my own or with Maurice’s help (and with a couple key girlfriends that helped along the way – I love my girlfriends!).

Most of this year has been hard to deal with. I wasn’t sure I was going to stay married or not. There were several times that I was sure we were going to be divorced by the end of the week.(even just about a month ago) But we are on the right path, we have found a smoother road to travel on. We are working on our marriage together. He is putting in a lot of effort and work, so I think we are going to make it.

So to keep things going in the right direction, it is time to move on and start fresh at another church. Not to hide from our situation, or the mess Maurice created in our marriage (all the churches we are considering already know the situation), but to move forward together without stumbling backwards into the same mud hole again. It’s time we make the decisions that are going to help us focus on and make ourselves, our marriage, our kids, and our faith stronger.

Please continue to pray for us. May God be with us and with the decisions we are making.

Sally

PS - I have a new favorite song, I just heard it yesterday and then found it on-line.

Warning: there are some cuss words in it, so if you are sensitive to bad words, you might not want to click on it - since the lyrics are also printed on the screen

Kaci Battaglia - Crazy Possessive

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZCSacPajs2g&feature=related

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Sat, 26 Sep 2009 13:58:19 GMT

My boys are little ladies men......

Ok so my boys are cute, I know it , Maurice knows it, they know it, I think everyone kind of knows it. Especially the girls at the school know it. Since two of them keep calling for my youngest Malcolm (he's only in 2nd grade) and last year Reese was getting all the calls, do you know that some of them called Reese for a conference call (with 4 way calling with 4 of them on the line talking to each other) I am not joking. (it starts so young now a days)

So since several girls have been calling and leaving messages for Malcolm this year (grant it, one wants him to be in her super secret spy club - she is whispering it on our answering machine - so very cute) I started letting him call the girls back.... my boys don't know anything about talking on a phone. So I made them a cheat sheet on how to make a phone call. (grant it thier cheat sheet has their name and phone number filled in) I'm going to laminate this card for them to have around the house. Here it is:

When making a Phone Calls

If someone answers:

Can I speak to ____________________?

If they are not home… Say:

Can you please let _____________ know that ________ called. I will try to call back at another time. Thank You.

If you get a voicemail / answering machine:

This is _________________.
I’m calling for ___________________.
Can you please call me back at _______ Thank You.
Once again this is _________ calling for ________ and my number is _________.

Monday, August 10, 2009

Mon, 10 Aug 2009 01:30:15 GMT

Hard lessons of Life.....

Reese learned a hard lesson of life tonight, he's been bugging me for weeks to build a playhouse, he kept saying let's go get some wood from Menards or Home Depot and build one, he said he'd buy the wood. I of course laughed and said sure you buy the wood I'll build it.

So I was out running a few errands (trying to get stuff to finish the scrapbook for my mom) and I took Reese along. So we stopped into Home Depot, he made me write down the cost of 2 x 4's and 6 x8 Plywood and then he wanted to look at carpet and paint for his playhouse and I told him not to forget the screws. So we wrote down the cost of everything. Then he wanted to look at flowers and chairs to decorate this club house with.... I told him hold on, slow down, I am not promising we are making this thing. Plus we first need to worry about the cost of building it before we even think about decorations.

So we wrote down all the costs of everything we could think of. Then tonight I looked up some blueprints of a clubhouse. Yes I know, I usually just make up my own blueprints but I thought I'd save a little time and math work by just using someone else's plans tonight. Especially since I know we don't have the money to make a clubhouse so why do all the math for something I am not going to be able the make in real life.

http://www.diynetwork.com/how-to/how-to-build-a-deluxe-playhouse/index.html#step1

so I started sketching out some of what we need to buy and how much will it be. It was giving me a headache so I didn't want to do it all tonight, but Reese kept bugging me to figure out how much stuff is, and since he saw the 2 x 4's cost anywhere from $1.89 to $2.75 each. he thinks it's still affordable, Reese doesn't understand that you need many of these and that adds up after awhile.

So I drafted what the floor and only the floor would cost which is $38.06

Then told him how much it was going to cost to carpet it... which he was set on this carpet by the foot, instead of the precut carpet that was $30. Which he said the one I picked wasn't comfortable, he needed the plush soft kind. Which breaks down to be $85.44 to carpet his clubhouse. So Reese is a little sticker shell shocked right now and he said yeah let's go with the carpet you picked mom.

I told him I am done for tonight, and it will take a long time to save up that kind of money. So we will save talking about the grand plans of making a clubhouse for another day. I told him over all to make the clubhouse will be $250 - $500 and he was upset that things cost so much.... truthfully I am too.

Reese has big plan is to make a two story tall clubhouse. Ah to be able to dream big as a kid... I wish I could give him the clubhouse of his dreams, but the reality is it just isn't going to happen. It hard to watch your child as he has high hopes about things in life and then reality sets in and they see the big picture of life. You can't have it all, it's not a easy as it seems, and it's hard to save up money for the things you really want.

I figured it's better to let him think through some of the cost of things rather than for me to just say "no you can't have a clubhouse" or "no we can't afford a club house for you." So now he sees the reality of it. Life is expensive and you have to work hard for what you want in life. Set a goal and work toward achieving that goal.... now he knows the cost, now he has to decide if he's going to start saving his money toward achieving that clubhouse or if he just wants to blow his money at the Dollar tree or Walmart on toys and/or candy.

Sunday, August 09, 2009

Sun, 09 Aug 2009 18:34:23 GMT

Family Scrapbook......

Having an aging parent is hard to watch…… I am currently working on a scrapbook for my mom, she is 74 years old and has the early onset of Alzheimer’s. She had been in the hospital for 1 ½ - 2 weeks and then last week was put into a nursing home (for a few weeks, maybe months or more, not sure yet)

My mom usually lives with my sister Natalie, a few weeks ago Natalie came home from work and found out that my mom had fallen and was very confused. My mom has an artificial leg so she can’t always get back up by herself if she falls, and with her being confused too, Natalie wasn’t sure if she had hit her head or something so she took her to the ER

My mom is still in a bit of a confused state, slowly coming out of it. It’s due to a medication change or something like that. The doctors are hoping her mind clears up more over time otherwise it’s not good and it’s a permanent change. I hope it’s not a permanent change since I have a hard time visiting her, she asks me like 50 times the same question over and over again. It’s usually “Where is Natalie?” (my sister that she usually lives with) and I answer over and over again “She’s at work right now, remember she works nights” then a few minutes later I get “Where is Natalie?” It’s hard answering the same question repeatedly. And if it’s not about my sister it’s a different question and it just gets repeated so many times. It’s frustrating to see a parent like this. Sadly, I don’t have the patience to deal with it.

So anyways my mom is having a hard time remembering people and stuff like that. (like I said hard to watch someone go through) so my sister wanted me to print off pictures of the family and label them for my mom to look at, so it will help her remember us. So that’s when I thought I’d just make a scrapbook of people.

Thank goodness for Facebook, since 50% of my family is on facebook, so all week I have been stealing pictures left and right for the scrapbook. Then I sent them to walgreens.com and had them printed off. I worked for several days on it and almost had it complete. Then Natalie came over and saw it and suggested that I add my mom’s parents (which are deceased) and her siblings.

Back to work I go on the scrapbook. My extended family is not on facebook, or at least I can’t find many of them. I did find a cousin and I think a second cousin. So facebook might be a good way to stay in touch with those two, since we rarely ever see each other.(every couple years or so) However I was hoping that more of my extended family was on facebook, it would have been nice to see what many of them are up to. I guess I need to work on contacting the rest by phone or snail mail (Postal service) to keep in touch.

So now I just looked up some older pictures on my computer hard drive for the my mom’s siblings and her parents (my grandparents). Now I just need to get them printed and put them in the scrapbook and then take it to my mom so she can look at them whenever she wants. Hopefully this helps her memory some, so hopefully later today I will have the scrapbook complete… Well as complete as I am going to have it. That’s the joy of a scrapbook, you can always add more to it later and if I get a better picture of someone sent to me I will just print it out and then go swap it out in my mom’s book.

Wow has this been a lot of work!!! But it was kind of fun thinking about my extended family this week. I miss them. I don't feel I really know any of them anymore, nor would they know what I am really like. I've changed a lot over the years and I'm sure they have too.

Wednesday, August 05, 2009

Wed, 05 Aug 2009 23:28:05 GMT

The tooth fairy is a Lie.............

Ok Reese lost his other front tooth the other day......

he said "There is no such thing as a Tooth Fairy!"

long pause from me

he said to me "Just give me the $1, come on, just give it to me"

I told him "What do you mean?"

He said "I know it's you! It's parents all over the world doing it."

Boo! I liked being the tooth Fairy.... so I quickly said "OK so now you know, no more getting money for your teeth."

Malcolm answered back "No wait, I only lost 1 tooth so far, I still believe in the tooth fairy!! Mom be my tooth fairy"

So I agreed to do it still.

Here's my toothless Reese (4 teeth missing right now, 2 on top and 2 on bottom, he looks like a real hillbilly right now)

Ain't he cute.... well I think so!!

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Sat, 25 Jul 2009 19:53:49 GMT

Indiana Black Expo Church Service - last Sunday 07-19-2009

Last Sunday Maurice and I went to Indiana Black Expo, we also decided to go to the Church service. Maurice likes it when we go to a black church every so often and I think it’s good for the boys and me to be exposed to black churches too.

How do preachers know when you are going to be at their service? It felt like Jeffrey Johnson (from Eastern Star Church) was preaching straight to Maurice and I. Who tipped that preacher off that we were coming? Hmm…Why did he focus on just Maurice and I today?

He started preaching about the Noah’s Ark story and I was ready to check out mentally and say this is boring…. But then he was preaching right at me (or so it felt) and it made me sit up and listen.

Here’s my notes from the sermon:

When you mess up in life, start over. Don’t idolize what you lost, but be thankful for what you still have.

Anyone here want to be normal? Who’s life is going through a storm – Who here is trying to work stuff out – Who here wants to be normal?

Just because you are a Christian you can still go through a storm, it doesn’t mean God isn’t there or sometimes even cause or lets the storm happen. Like in Genesis 8 - Noah and the rain, God caused the rain, Noah had to ride the storm out, but God is with him. Not all storms come from above, but sometimes God causes or lets us go through storms.

It’s important to be built on a solid foundation

God sometimes sends storms into our lives to direct us or maybe redirect us. To close one door and open another door.

Sometimes it’s not fair. Sometimes we are stuck in a storm for nothing we did ourselves, but because of someone else’s consequences. If that is you, then you are like Noah – but you still have to go through the storm.

The storm was to develop Noah – When you are going through a storm and you did nothing wrong then it is to develop you and not to destroy you. It’s not about destruction it’s about developing. It takes time to develop someone

It’s like a roll of film. (the old days, not these new digital age cameras) You take pictures

You don’t know if you got a clear shot or a good picture. You have to develop the film. You go in a dark room and work on the film and get the negatives. You still don’t have a clear picture, you are still not sure if the picture is good. So then you have to develop the negatives in the dark room, you are alone, working hard on developing the picture. Slowly the picture gets clearer and clearer on the page as it develops. Once it’s done you can finally see the clear picture. It takes time to develop, it takes time to see the whole clear picture.

In your times of storms, God remembers you, In Genesis 8 God remembered Noah

When it feels like no one cares – Remember God cares, God knows, God hasn’t left you. God remembers you.

Genesis 6 – Noah remembers God

Genesis 8 – God remembers Noah

Noah remembered God in the good times, smooth times, sunshine.

God remembers Noah in the bad times, rough times, and the rain

It’s hard to hear God in a storm. Remember what he already told you. Nothing shall separate you from the word of God.

We are not saying it’s not going to get difficult. Jesus had to go through some difficult times. If it wasn’t for some storms that black Americans had to go through then President Barack Obama would have never have gotten to where he is and become the first black president.

When the storm was over for Noah, he was sitting on top of a mountain, he was on top of the world. He was sitting high and dry. He didn’t land deep down in the valley’s he landed up high. God sends a storm to get you to the top, to lift you up.

God has restrictions on every storm, after 40 days the rain stopped. Storms don’t come to stay, Trouble doesn’t last for always. God puts a stop on storms. God knows how much we can bear.

Genesis 1 – The Wind, The breathe, the Spirit of God

Exodus 14 – The Wind, The breate, the Spirit of God

²¹ Then Moses stretched out his hand over the sea, and all that night the LORD drove the sea back with a strong east wind and turned it into dry land. The waters were divided, ²² and the Israelites went through the sea on dry ground, with a wall of water on their right and on their left.

Ezekiel 47 – The Wind, The breath, the Spirit of God

⁹ Then he said to me, "Prophesy to the breath; prophesy, son of man, and say to it, 'This is what the Sovereign LORD says: Come from the four winds, O breath, and breathe into these slain, that they may live.' " ¹⁰ So I prophesied as he commanded me, and breath entered them; they came to life and stood up on their feet—a vast army.

John 3 – The Wind, The breath, the Spirit of God

⁵Jesus answered, "I tell you the truth, no one can enter the kingdom of God unless he is born of water and the Spirit. ⁶Flesh gives birth to flesh, but the Spirit^[b] gives birth to spirit. ⁷You should not be surprised at my saying, 'You^[c] must be born again.' ⁸The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit."

Acts 2 – The Wind, The breath, the Spirit of God

¹When the day of Pentecost came, they were all together in one place. ²Suddenly a sound like the blowing of a violent wind came from heaven and filled the whole house where they were sitting. ³They saw what seemed to be tongues of fire that separated and came to rest on each of them. ⁴All of them were filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak in other tongues^[a] as the Spirit enabled them.

God will send his Spirit to help you along. - The Wind, The breath, the Spirit of God

Picture yourself as a Basketball, when you have the breath or Spirit of God in us when we are thrown down we bounce back. A flat ball will stay down when it’s thrown down. You need the spirit in you otherwise you are like the flat ball and will stay down when you are thrown down. You need to be able to bounce back, so you got to get filled. The more you are filled with the breath of God or the Spirit of God then the harder they throw you down the higher you bounce back The more you are filled with God the more you bounce back the quicker you bounce back.

When going though it, you can’t see it. But the whole time you are going through tough times the Lord is with you. The whole time God is with you making you stronger, wiser, and helping to develop you.

Friday, July 24, 2009

Fri, 24 Jul 2009 21:55:07 GMT

Visiting an old friend….

I went and seen an old friend today, one I haven’t seen in quite some time. Well maybe since before summer, but it seems so very much longer since I used to see them 2-3 times a week.

I walked up and they flung their door wide open to let me in. I was greeted with a huge smile and a Hello. As I entered, I was engulfed by the oh so familiar smells of their place. Oh it felt so good to be back, it felt so warm and welcoming, so very right.

I was thinking as I walked around their place and looked at all the familiar surroundings.…..I’ve missed you my old friend! Why has it been so long since I have seen you?

I blame it on the economy, or maybe a lack of motivation on my part, lack of having any current projects I want to work on…. You see my dear old friend is the Hardware store Menards.

Ha Ha I had you going, didn’t I?! You thought I was talking about a person.

I really do love that store and it’s been a few months since I’ve shopped there…. I just looked around today, drooled over some of the tools, but left empty handed. I shall visit again soon I hope.

Have a great night!

Friday, June 12, 2009

Fri, 12 Jun 2009 22:57:39 GMT

OK so my Parole has been revoked today….

After today I had only one week left on my 6 year sentence and then I was going to be set free to go to the real world.

Today the top boss at work (my bosses, bosses, boss) come to me and asked me to stay on at Work…

For those of you don’t know – on May 18^th my work told me they were eliminating all part time positions and I needed to go full time 7am – 3:30pm , or I had no job, so after a week of thinking about it, I said I can’t do 7am but could do 9am – 5:30pm. He said I hate to lose you but your last day is June 19^th

Ok back to today… I of course was shocked and said “What?! You just did interviews to fill my job earlier this week, What about that?” He said right now corporate is putting a hiring freeze so the girl that would have taken my job, well the position she would leave wouldn’t be able to be filled, and each of the girls that interviewed for the position have an important job already and their job just can’t stay empty. So since he was already upset to loose me in the first place, he was hoping I would choose to stay on. So they can keep all the current positions filled.

He said think about it over the weekend…. I called Maurice, almost right away, which said what I was thinking. TAKE IT, STAY AT YOUR CURRENT JOB!

So I accepted it, and I get to keep my current job, with my current hours. I am torn since part of me was glad I was leaving my job… I was doing the “I only have one week left of work” dance. (I had freedom in sight) But on the other hand, although I put out many resumes and job applications. I had no leads or interviews yet, plus most of the jobs I was looking at were going to be a big pay cut. So I guess it’s a blessing.

The top Boss can’t guarantee how long I will have my job, due to the fact that as soon as corporate releases the hiring freeze he wants that position filled. So I will either be able to accept the full time position or they with give it to whomever they picked from the interviews. (well if they still want it) He said he doesn’t know little or how long I would be able to keep my job. It could be weeks, months or even years. I answered “So let’s say in a couple weeks you can fill the full time position, how much notice do I get to know that I am loosing my job again” He said “I will try to give you as much time as possible, I will try to give you 30 days notice.” I said “I can handle that.”

I may not always like my current job, but I do have to say I get paid quite well for the job I do, and it has the perfect hours for our family. So it’s hard to think about switching jobs, so I am glad this opportunity has opened up. No matter how long or little it lasts. It really takes a load off my shoulders.

I was not to tell this news to anyone at work, due to the Boss wants to break the news himself to the girls that interviewed for my position…. one of the girls is my good buddy and of course she twisted the news out of me. She’s not mad that she didn’t get the job, she’s actually happy (gave me two high fives) since I am staying at work, she was mad I wouldn’t take the full time position. She wanted us to continue working together. Now she would have gladly taken my job if I left, since it’s a day shift hours and her current hours totally suck.

Now I have to wait it out, until the top boss tells people, probably Monday, he hasn’t even told my direct boss yet. Which was hard since my direct boss went through the motions of saying good bye today due to the fact that he is on vacation all next week (my last day was scheduled to be June 19^th, next Friday) so today is the last time he was supposed to see me. So he did the big speech of sorry you are leaving, you always did a good job, call me if you need anything, etc… can I just say…… I LOVE MY DIRECT BOSS! HE’S ALWAYS BEEN PRETTY GREAT TO ME! So it killed me to not tell him, I had to play along. SUCK!! I almost cracked twice, but I stayed strong.

I didn’t want to be the one to tell my direct boss, due to my direct boss has been fighting to get another full time employee in his department for quite some time, he did several 45 minute interviews to fill this position earlier this week, and now it’s all for nothing. You get to keep the part-time employee. Now I now he likes me and likes what I bring to the team, but he needed someone to work more hours, there is more work required to be done and I just can’t get it done in the 4 hours I am there each day. So I know he will be a little disappointed.

So there it is, my big news, I get to keep my current job, with my current part-time hours. So celebrate with me!!! Thanks for all the prayers and concerns about my job situation…. It was very stressful for me.

Sunday, May 31, 2009

Sun, 31 May 2009 14:25:55 GMT

Good Book - Not "Just Friends": Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity After Infidelity by Shirley P. Glass (Author)

So my regular doctor told me to get a book and it’s been really helpful…. Grant it, it has also been very hard and painful to read… It tells about all sides of an affair (the betrayed partner and about both sides that were involved in the affair) It kind of gets in their head and let you see what each is thinking…not easy stuff to read about and yes it has made Maurice and I fight over some of the stuff, kind of re-hash some things out, and at times doubt why I am still with Maurice…(I think Maurice is ready for me to be done reading this book) but the overall theme of the book is about how to not let an affair happen, staying together after an affair, how that works, what needs to change, and how to build a strong relationship so an affair doesn’t happen again.

I am about half way through the book and now I am onto the more positive chapters (“Should you pick up the pieces or throw in the towel” / “How to cope with Obsessing and flashbacks”) they don’t sound so positive do they…. But these two chapters have been very helpful and positive for me.

Well the book is called - Not "Just Friends": Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity After Infidelity by Shirley P. Glass (Author)

http://books.google.com/books?id=zT447ikZz6sC&dq=not+%22Just+friends%22&printsec=frontcover&source=bn&hl=en&ei=DuQZStr8KIGUMqujnZkP&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=4#PPR9,M1

In the first chapter she has two quizzes, which I found helpful… to bad I didn’t have them earlier…. but then again, I might not have gotten the honest answers if I asked before either…. I know I’ve talked to many of you and you stressed to me that you wanted to see these quizzes and some of you want to ask your spouses these quizzes….. so anyways I give you these quizzes in the hopes that you may answer these honestly yourself or in hopes that you may get honest answers from whomever you ask these questions to.

Quiz: Has Your Friendship Become an Emotional Affair?

http://www.shirleyglass.com/quizfriendship.php

Quiz: Is Your On-line Friendship Too Friendly?

http://www.shirleyglass.com/quizonline.php

Good luck with it.

If you have been through an affair recently or want to know some things I needed to think through another good part of the book to look at is:

Questions Betrayed Partners Can Ask Themselves

http://books.google.com/books?id=RFPtlaYKRhIC&pg=PA127&lpg=PA127&dq=questions+betrayed+partnes+can+ask+themselves&source=bl&ots=8Elr40VuIM&sig=axjO-Jo1N7W556wdhcPOlNcocYM&hl=en&ei=8RAcSoimOZX2MfHUwY8P&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=1

Questions Involved Partners Can Ask Themselves

http://books.google.com/books?id=RFPtlaYKRhIC&pg=PA127&lpg=PA127&dq=questions+betrayed+partnes+can+ask+themselves&source=bl&ots=8Elr40VuIM&sig=axjO-Jo1N7W556wdhcPOlNcocYM&hl=en&ei=8RAcSoimOZX2MfHUwY8P&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=1

The book is all about creating windows and wall between friends. A window should be between you and your spouse and a wall between you and your friends. An affair happens when you switch it so your friend had a window and your spouse has a wall. It’s all about how much you share and with whom you share it with. You should share everything with your spouse and only some with your friends. From the book “When a friend knows more about your marriage than a spouse knows about your friendship, you have already reversed the healthy position of walls and windows.”

Don’t discuss relationship problems with anyone who could be a potential alternative to your spouse. From the book “Sharing your relationship dissatisfactions with a third party opens a window and begins to create a bond that often crosses the first threshold into an affair.”

Well that sums up what I wanted to share about the book I am reading. I thought some of you could benefit from hearing about what I am reading. I end with, if you have been betrayed, no matter what anyone says to you… IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT!!! IT WAS THEIR CHOICE!! YOU DIDN’T AND DON’T DESERVE IT! YOU ARE WORTHY OF BEING LOVED BETTER!!

Blog Disclaimer:

Just to clear up some concerns with some of my readers… I am an open book about life on my blogs, it's the good, the bad and the Ugly... it's what I do, it's what I have always done... unfortunately this is the Ugly and it needs to come out... I use my blogs to vent and let people know what is going on in my life... I am doing what I need to do that is best for me. I am not trying to blog at anyone However, things might get uncomfortably real so if that’s a problem with you, if you don’t want to know about my life, then you might think about quit reading my blog, or un-friend me.

To see the beginning of all this mess here's my previous blog : http://supersjbroaddus.xanga.com/700908997/how-much-is-too-much-when-should-i-give-up/

Sometimes I’m sorry doesn’t always cut it

Mon, 04 May 2009 23:36:32 GMT

“Sometimes I’m sorry doesn’t always cut it, Maybe because we use it so many different ways… As a weapon… as an excuse…

But when we are really sorry, we use it right when we mean it.

Our Actions say what word never can

When we get it right, I’m sorry is perfect.

When we get it right, I’m sorry is redemption.”

The quote above is a from this weeks show “Grey’s Anatomy” (one of my favorite shows)

Some of my thoughts are:

I’m sorry means nothing when the person doesn’t really mean it, when they say they have no words.

I’m sorry means nothing when they say it because they feel they have to say it. When they say it because they feel it’s the proper thing to do, because they feel otherwise everyone will look at them badly if they don’t say it.

I’m sorry means nothing unless if comes from deep inside, when it comes from the heart.

However…….

I’m sorry means something when the person fights to keep your friendship / relationship. When they open up and be honest (well hopefully) and real with you, when they end the lies and try to make a fresh start.

I’m sorry means something when they chase you down begging for your forgiveness, and really mean it.

I’m sorry means something when they know how bad they messed up and truly understand the pain they have caused.

So where am I…..

Right now…. I think Maurice is truly sorry…well, at least most of the time I do….. So now I am working on where does it go from here.

I’ll have to do another blog on forgiveness…. I’m not there yet… don’t give me the quote

“Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and hoping the other person gets sick."

I’ve been given that quote numerous times…..Darn you OPRAH, everyone watched that @#&* show where Oprah said that….. Forgiveness is a whole another ball park….It’s hard to forgive when it is fresh and raw…… It’s hard to forgive someone that you feel is not truly sorry to you. It’s hard to forgive someone you can’t trust. It’s hard to forgive someone that you can’t look them in their face without wanting to punch them or throw up at the sight of them. But hopefully one day I will be able to get there….. right now I am not there. Right now I need lots of distance between me and “her”…. Actually both the “hers” involved.(Lauren and Becky)

Blog Disclaimer:

Just to clear up some concerns with some of my readers… I am an open book about life on my blogs, it's the good, the bad and the Ugly... it's what I do, it's what I have always done... unfortunately this is the Ugly and it needs to come out... I use my blogs to vent and let people know what is going on in my life... I am doing what I need to do that is best for me. I am not trying to blog at anyone However, things might get uncomfortably real so if that’s a problem with you, if you don’t want to know about my life, then you might think about quit reading my blog, or un-friend me or everyone involved.