| Some parts of life I really hate remembering….. This month has been a little difficult for me, this week is even harder to deal with since I am reminded of something bad that happened 16 years ago to me. Though I am slightly affected each year when this date comes up, somehow this year is different, I’ve thought about it a little more, the memory is a bit stronger, I am a little more jittery or just feel plain scared, I am not so sure why I am so affected this year. So I guess this blog is my attempt let it out, and get it off my chest. I wrote something out that I guess I am brave enough to share, though I usually write it out and then don’t let anyone read it, I either throw it away or store it away. Yep this note is going to be one of those raw realness blogs. (I only bring this fact up since some of you complain about my bluntness at times, so here’s your warning)
Back on February 24, 1995 at 5:45 am (I was 24 years old) my life was forever changed when I heard a knock on my apartment door. One of my roommates opened the door thinking it was her mother (which usually came each morning to pick up my roommate’s two children) I heard the door open and then my roommate made a weird noise, I thought she was playing around with one of her siblings and I looked up in horror to see an arm with a gun being closed in the door, my roommate was attempting to push the door closed with all her might, before I could do anything, that stranger with a gun had pushed his way into the house. I was stunned when he sprang into the house. He started waving the gun around and telling us what to do, stand here, move over there and before I knew it, he was standing directly behind me and had his arm around me with the gun against my neck under my chin, and that’s where it stayed as he barked orders for money, valuables, and what not.
Note in general to all thieves: Don’t go to a poor neighborhood and try to rob people, we ain’t got Sh#@ to take, and we sure ain’t got money in our wallets, especially on a Friday morning before we go to work to get our paycheck. Don’t you know we live paycheck to paycheck. Try Friday night or Saturday morning SMH (shake my head) It all got uglier and uglier as he found out that we really didn’t have much money or valuables to steal and that made him upset. He then proceeded to put my roommate into the bathroom, I will spare you all most of the really ugly details of what happened after she reluctantly went into the bathroom, which I knew was a very bad sign, I will say I was unfortunately raped. Once my roommate was put in the bathroom, and the bad stranger wouldn’t let her take her children in with her, I knew then my main concern was to take care of my roommates two children (one in a crib and the other running around playing with a toy) and I wasn’t about to let this bad stranger do anything to them, plus my other roommate was asleep during all this and so I knew it would get messy, meaning someone would probably be shot if that roommate woke up. In this very bad situation I tried to stay calm and tried to figure out how to get this man out my house, how to get help, or how I could hurt him without someone I knew getting shot. We did struggle over the gun once or twice, since he was making all sorts of comments of how it would be better if he just killed me and how great that would feel and etc… He got to where he was talking serious about it and I knew that I had to do something, he was laying on top of me with the gun in my face, I put both my hands on the gun and struggled to push it away from my head as I was frantically trying my best to talk him out of shooting me as I also tried to squirm away from him, but he was just too strong. Like I said I had two hands on the gun and could barely move his one hand and the gun, it always stayed pointing at my head. Luckily for me, my roommate’s son, (age 2-3 ) which was in the other room, made a sound that startled the bad stranger, since that made the bad stranger jump up, yank me up into the air by grabbing the front of my shirt and pulled me up and near him to make me stand next to him. (kind of using me as a shield) He thought it was my other roommate that was asleep waking up. I said it’s just the kid, just the kid playing. He pointed his gun toward my roommates son, I stepped toward my roommates son and was pushing the bad strangers arm with the gun away and said no, he’s just a kid, he doesn’t even know what’s going on. I told my roommate’s son to come to the room we were at and lay on the floor in the doorway, look away, and play quietly with his toy so thankfully that’s what he did (for the most part). The bad stranger decided to carry on with more of the ugliness that I don’t wish to talk about in detail. I prayed that this would all stop, then my roommates child in the crib woke up, she stood up and was crying and so I was starting to freak out, I prayed that God would make her lay down and sleep again since it was irritating the bad stranger and making me nervous, since I knew that her crying would upset my roommate that is stuck in the bathroom and I didn’t want her to run out and get shot or something. Do you know what happened, she laid back down. I was shocked, that’s not normal for a baby to do. But that was also a sign that God was with me, he wasn’t letting this happen to me, it’s not God’s fault that it was happening, he was there with me. Eventually the bad stranger decided to leave, well after he took a VCR, wireless headphones, and maybe $20 - $30….. though he was making me leave with him….. now as we were walking toward the door, he was back behind me with the gun up under my chin again, I asked to fix my clothes, grab a coat and put on my shoe (I had one on already) he said clothes yes but no to the coat or shoe. Then he made sure to mention my name and where I worked like 4-5 times, see I had been getting ready to go to work and had my work name badge on my shirt. That bastard was putting fear in me just for fun, not only is he shattering my home security, he was making sure I didn’t feel safe when I went out to work either. I walked slowly to the door, dreading every step, reaching to open that door to leave was the worst feeling ever, I just knew I was going to die if I left with him, but what could I do, the gun is under my chin again. Once I opened the door he said “run”, I said “What?”, he said “Run before I shoot you.” So I ran, no coat, barely dressed, and I only had one shoe on, it’s February, early in the morning, it’s dark and cold, everything is slightly frosty, but I ran… I ran kind of zig zag so if he shot at me, I’d be a harder target. I was a scared crying mess, I ran past some men outside, which scared me more, I wasn’t about to trust a man (another stranger) after what I just went through. I ran toward the back and side of the apartments, then when I didn’t think he was behind me, I ran up front to a nearby Village Pantry and asked to use a phone, they pointed back outside to a payphone. I said franticly “I was robbed and I need the cops and I am not going back outside since he might be out there following me.” They said with a quickness, here’s the phone. Quickly I saw many police cars fly by the Village pantry and then a lot of time passed by 15 -20 minutes and no cops came for me. So I asked for the phone again, I called home and got both my roommates (on two different phones) and I asked if they were alright and if the cops were there. They said “WHERE ARE YOU???!!!!” I told them and they sent two officers over to me. Which they took me to my apartment for detectives to question me, and then later taken to the hospital for all sorts of questions, tests and checks – fun stuff I tell you, Not! I was very thankful my best friend and roommate that was asleep during all this, David came with me to the hospital. (FYI – David were roommates that had separate rooms, he’s more like a brother to me, we never dated, but we were very close friends) He waited in the waiting room while I got poked, probed, and questioned but I am glad he came and was there for me. I think he felt bad for being asleep during it all, but truthfully I am glad he was asleep and safe from it all. After all the questions were done we were waiting for a cop to arrive to take us home. I remember laughing hysterically at something stupid (yep I tend to laugh at all the wrong moments in life – it’s how I deal with things some of the time) and David just didn’t know what to do with me, he didn’t know if he should laugh with me, hug me, or cry for me, but he just sat there and was there for me and I was glad he was the one that was there with me. We moved out of that apartment in about a week, and though many people wanted me to come stay with them and get away from everything. I appreciate all that cared and offered a place to stay, my brother Scott (and his wife Sue )was a big one pushing me to come stay with him, and I almost did it, I was debating what to do, but David said lets go home and though that night was the hardest night to face…probably my worst night ever in life….. to have to face my home where horrible things happened to me, it was really the best thing for me to do, it made me face the fear. I think I threw up 4-5 times that night (just the stress of it all, I kept having nightmares about the whole thing, so I barely slept) I couldn’t have done it without David, since he slept in a sleeping bag on the floor right beside my bed all week until we moved. Which made me feel safer and somewhat secure, that and having a baseball bat nearby at all times, especially when someone came to my door. Thankfully now that bad stranger is in jail… he was caught many months later, sadly after he attacked two other women, one screamed, honked her horn and got away, the other was taken to a different location, raped and shot in the hip. By the time the cops had caught him and had a line up set up, my memory was blocking most of it, I couldn’t picture his face. I could only see a gray blob as his face. So I couldn’t pick him out in a line up, that is frustrating. Luckily there is DNA evidence to use and it came up as him. Also luckily for me he plead guilty in trial (which happened several years later) so no long drawn out trial and then there is the fact that since he plead guilty there is no appeals to fight through. Oh and also luckily for me, after the trial you can ask to have him tested, you know for STD’s and etc.. he thankfully came up clean and I could finally start to relax. Though he’s in jail and will be there for a long, long time, which makes me happy, it also makes me sad. Sad that he ruined his life,(he was in his early 20’s) even more sad that he forever changed my life….. I never feel totally safe anymore. He took my security, he took my sense of feeling safe in my own home. Once your home security is shaken, it changes you. I still to this day don’t like hearing someone knock on my door when I am not expecting someone coming over. I am way better about it, like I no longer answer the door with a baseball bat or pepper spray in my hand. (that took a long while to get past) I pass by where it happened pretty often, (46th & High school Road) It’s in a common area that I travel around, meaning I pass by there at least once a week. I don’t have such ill feeling from the location any more, but it almost always triggers a thought of some sort. It’s been 16 years, and it still can bother me from time to time and I hate that. The thing I miss the most in my sense of security. I get a frightened frozen mess when I hear a strange noise late at night when I am in my own home, especially if Maurice is out of town. I wish I could get back some of my courage. But sadly I do know what things that go bump in the night could be and it scares me. I just pray that God protects me, because I really don’t think I could handle it if it would ever happen again. |
